


Only Time Fades

by bangtasticbobby



Series: Bangtasticbobbys Oneshots [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 19:31:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18104981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangtasticbobby/pseuds/bangtasticbobby
Summary: TW - Suicidal thoughts





	Only Time Fades

**Author's Note:**

> TW - Suicidal thoughts

This bar had been the coldest one, one has been in a while, but it could've been because of how your heart broke more and more after each shot you took. You were a lonely person, distant with people who claimed to be your friends in the past. But if they were, where are they now? You grimaced. A large swig of your beverage passing your lips for the fourth incredulous time before you threw two fingers towards the bartender.

Of course you would've thought the interaction with him was as normal as any time, since you've been here the last four nights, but the way he looked behind you in such an annoyed manner was a bit more than you would've expected. Its not like guys were hitting on you all night, and if you didn't know any better you'd think that Mr. Bartender over here might see you as his friend-- or just a lonely son of a bitch looking for another quick quiet drink. "Look buddy, shes not interested." You chuckled lifting your now full class to the man behind the bar as thanks.

If you could you'd go home with one of these fucko's and let them end you if they wanted, but before you could further the loving thoughts of a glorious end-- of sort, a voice beside you spoke. "Hello Ms. Y/l/n." You swiveled so quickly in your chair you could've broken your spine. "How do you know my name." You where highly suspicious, as the demand that sprouted out of your mouth had sounded.

How could you  _not_  be in this line of work, you were raised to fight for your life and kill whatever threatened it. No questions asked, and now that you think back on the very rehearsed line, you thought, maybe your father was a wrong man for thinking that. Maybe if you just asked a simple why every now and again you'd find yourself in less live or die situations. Knowing you and your life it was probably your fault things ended in the ways they have.

"I could ask you the same thing (Y/N)." You looked at the face of this person as if he had seven eyes and beaver teeth. Though after a minute, you slowly started to see the resemblance of him and the man you were tracking down. "Jack Kline." You said it in a whisper, and by this time the bartender had figured you were safe with the man you knew a name of. Oh how wrong could he be. You wanted to tempt it see what this Nephilim could do to you. He could probably kill you in a snap of his fingers. You wondered if he would do it- it'd be a hell of a lot easier in the long run.

"Ah, so you  _do_  know me." He paused and looked back at your wide eyes, you knew he was almost all powerful but he truly didn't look up to any task you'd want him to complete. He looked soft. You sighed and took a drink of your whiskey and soda. This had been a waste of time; This 'mission' was a failure. He mimicked you to the point of a drink in his hand, although his release of breath was more of worry than burden. "Well, you've caught me. Aren't you going to shoot on sight. Maybe fight a little." You shook your head with a bitter smile on your lips, "You know id never have a chance against you so why would you even ask that? Not to mention,"

You paused looking past him and seeing the three other men, trying but not succeeding in being stealthy at watching yours and Jack's interaction. "You'd never do what I asked if you were raised by  _them_." You hadn't pointed to any of the tall guys surrounding the felt table, but the Nephilim knew who you were getting at.

His hum was like still water right before a shark attack. Yet you hadn't known it was coming, for you couldn't see the top fin. "I just thought with all the death on your mind you'd want to at least pretend you wanted to fight me. After all your objective is to lose." He shrugged a bit but continued before you could counter attack with a witty remark. "Although your not only in love with oblivion, your also the biggest coward you know."

You waited for another blow at your self esteem, but a wonder made its way before you. "What makes you so special, why do you get to just quit?" You were confused, eyebrows knitted and lips tugged into a frown. "(Y/N)." he called, "After a deal of fights you've won, you still take the lose; weighing yourself down with the guilt and pain." You swallowed, turning to look past him at the pool table.

A man in a trench coat was watching you and Jack's conversation, Castiel you knew him as averted his eyes. Though you knew he could hear word for word your conversation you just hoped the Winchester's wouldn't be able to listen in as well. Your eyes glared back at Kline, you hated those who associated with dimwitted birds and ones who put the world in danger time after time. "I can't see the relevance of my mental state and you." You pointed out and he tossed back his drink in response. "It doesn't, I'm just telling you what you already know. Right?"

You were frustrated at the dumb ass in front of you. "Yes!" You whisper yelled. "I know what happens in my brain you don't have to tell me, these one or two little thoughts aren't as big as other problems. They need to be overlooked, always. You can never feel for yourself when you have others to feel for." Again he didn't say anything and it irked you. "I'm not special! In any sense. Plus the world doesn't need me when the fuck-ups should be the ones to fix their mistakes. I'm not the only hunter. I'm not special. Though I want to be remembered, I shouldn't be. I wanna be special, but I'm not. That's why I can't by my own fingers. It would be easier this way."

Again you stopped for a moment, his face calm and relaxed. "Even if it's a selfish attempt and a coward way to the finish line." Your head hung and you felt vulnerable and stupid for even voicing an opinion that, in your eyes, couldn't in the slightest be worth talking about.

"Leave me alone." You said, turning away a bit, but you knew you had no right to say that as you were searching for  _him_  in the beginning- So you stood yourself, slapping cash on the bar island. "Actually, I'll leave." He gently pulled on your sleeve as you stood to walk away, and you looked back at him with an unamused expression. "Only time fades, not memories or pictures or achievements." He spoke, eyes on the liquor he harbored in his cup.

"Specialty doesn't matter to the world in a bigger picture." His monologue was taking to long and you huffed. "But before you do  _go_  make sure-" He got up letting your arm fall back at your side. "Your memory is worth memorizing, even if little will remember." He took a step, "D-" You almost spoke, but he turned towards the game of pool just before you could finish.

"You're g-good." You exclaimed quietly spinning and making it to the bar doors. "You're okay."

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in a crazy time in my life so if its jumbled im sorry but i hope that you can relate and i just want you to know that your not alone and if you ever want to talk :)


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